"If I Choose to Stay" by Kylie Fonacier (Research-Creation Project, English 1109)
"If I Choose to Stay"
Words and Music by Kylie Fonacier
How long has this gone on? At least twelve hours.
The curve has claimed its climb, the viral grasp devours
Yet another handful of humble hearts across the human race,
Neither ceasing its steps nor stifling of its pace.
Gone are the days amongst physicians and nurses
Once undermining the gravity of just how much it worsens.
Now here we are surrounded by a swarm of those who wait,
Be it seeking out treatment or the answer to their fate.
I’ve lost count of how my heart has clenched at the sound of constant cries
Of a feat of fallen faces from an undeserved demise.
The damage has been done, though there’s more we anticipate
For the enemy we face does all but discriminate.
These are the frontlines of a fearsome fleet of war
With astounding heights of horror I’ve hardly known before.
Day by day we’re shoved into the line of fire.
Some emerge alive, some before our eyes expire.
As for me, I’m barely holding on as it is,
For time and time again, I feared it would all come to this.
With each step I take, the walls around me rumble,
Each breath a burden and this heavy, heaving heart begins to crumble.
With this body bound to break and a consciousness that fades,
How much more is left to take ‘til I’m hounded by this haze?
I’ve attempted my resilience, an act I’ve feigned as brave,
Though a counterfeit of calmness is the most I felt I gave.
I’ve done all I could have done,
Now I fear the time has come
Just to walk away and leave it all behind
And escape the wants and woes of humankind.
I’ve answered every dire port of call,
Endured the worst; I’ve heard and seen it all,
Given all in me I knew I had to give,
But there’s another life I know I have to live.
It’s been ages since I’ve walked right through my own front door,
Greeted by a furry friend upon my wooden floor.
The wave and warmth of smiling faces from my family
Are the ones above it all I long to see.
When was the last time I caressed a loved one’s face?
I’ve forgotten how it felt when pressed against a warm embrace.
What I’d give just to relive much better days,
Though none would come to pass if I choose to stay.
Deep into the halls, a darkness shrouded
Such a tragedy that thousands have surrounded,
And with hardly anyone to spare them from a fate so ill,
Tell me, if I don’t, who will?
If this should be my calling,
A means to rescue all the failing and the falling,
If this hasn’t stopped me then,
Who’s to say it will stop me now again?
And there they’ll be someday away from all the harm,
Living long and happy lives and in their loved ones’ arms.
If my life be risked, at least it’s what I’ll give
For a sought-out second chance for them to live.
If this means that all my life is worn and spent,
Then I’ll rest in reassurance and this heart content.
If I am gone before the dawn of better days,
How hard I’ll pray they come to pass if I choose to stay.
